Tags: Humour, The Onion
No values voters have trouble getting excited about the candidates for President. I actually heard a rumour that Bob Barr eats kittens, but if having a President with no values mattered so much to them, they should’ve supported Dick Cheney when they had the chance…
Note to the New Yorker: this is how you do satire.
Tags: Barack Obama, Crappest Website Ever, Hillary Clinton, Humour, John McCain
Now that the concession speeches have been made, the campaign obituaries have been printed, the lawn signs have been removed and her staff has started shopping around for new jobs, where to now for those hurt, angry and betrayed Clintonistas who yelped and wailed for Hillary to the bitter end and can’t bring themselves to side with the big-eared Islamist who performs terrorist fist-jabs in public?
Via Wonkette, such is the devotion of her supporters, they have conspired to build the Crappest Website Ever – an online abortion of clashing colours, cheap flashing gifs, spelling mistakes and a tourettes-like tendency to press Caps Lock. It’s on this online sanctuary – looking something like an amateur’s Warcraft Appreciation Page from 1998 – that Hillary supporters can gather for emotional support and to organise to defeat the brown-skinned bully who stole votes that were rightfully hers:
Take that, you filthy Muslims! Our use of flashing lettering, Obama ‘jokes’ and migrane-inducing colours will beat your cunning conspiracy back to the deserts of Arabialand! [note: you may have to avoid the online poll section which shows a majority of respondents would actually vote for Obama over McCain - there's clearly been some kind of tampering].
The site was apparently started by a sole malcontent to rail against The Bosses who nominated Obama, but has now built into a well-oiled, 35,000 strong machine, as shown by some of the glowing testimonials from Real Life White Americans:
The ‘truth’ about Obama:
Thank you for making this web-sight. It is very well done, you must be some kind of computer genius. I would like to do one too but I just learned about the upper/lower case key.
Can you verify the following which I heard in the last day or two:
1. Obama is now wearing a Palestine Liberation flag on his lapel?
2. Obama gave a speech to a group called “AIPAC” last week, which I was told was the Al Queda Political Action Committee. He vowed to let Iran build a nuclear bomb and suggested that the Israelis could move to Florida?
3. What is this with he and his wife doing some kind of terrorist message – on stage here in America.
4. Please don’t let Obama go to Iraq I am afraid he will radio the enemy our positions or something.
Thank you for keeping people like me who try to stay up to day in the know.
Thelma in Dover.
A global conspiracy and an oedipus complex:
Is it a coincidence that the “world domination” Bilderberg meeting occurred the SAME WEEK Hillary left the race. Obviously the male dominated leaders of Europe – our new masters – have sent the orders out.
I also think they have done everything they can to make that menace Bill Clinton do things to harm his wonderful, loving wife.
Let us all be glad for what Hillary did for us. Like kittens who eternally look to their human masters as their mother, we can always look to Hillary as our mother AND MASTER!
NEVER VOTE FOR OBAMA!!!
And a Muslim plot to destroy the United States that can only be foiled by THE INDISCRIMINATE USE OF CAPS LOCK:
Thank you for providing this valuable site, a site which will help to do justice to Hillary, her own party campaigned against her. This sexist, corrupted, dishonest, unjust party STOLE HILLARY’S nomination and gave it to an inexperienced, questionable, inexperienced HUSSEIN OBAMA and his terrorist friends.
If they wanted to go by the rules they should have respected the first rule ‘THE PEOPLES SACRED VOTE’, respect the will of the people. HILLARY IS THE PEOPLES CHOICE, THE PEOPLES WILL!
Obama may be the nominee by FRAUD but he will never reach the White House neither will give a chance for muslim nations and antiamerians to celebrate. GOD BLESS AMERICA!
On this evidence, it seems that all professional web developers must support Obama. Prepare yourselves, people; when McCain wins the White House, all web sites will one day look like this.
Tags: American Idol, Fake News, Hamas, Humour
Today’s fake news. Damn you, Hamas! Is there no dearly-loved democratic institution you won’t try to subvert?!
Pundits of the right and left, along with music industry executives and several million teenage girls, clashed today over what appeared to be an endorsement of American Idol contestant David Archuleta by the radical Islamic organization Hamas. The disputed remarks came at the end of a press conference given by Hamas spokesman Ahmed Yousef, when he digressed from his comments about the latest round of violence between Israel and Palestinians to say, “I really like David Archuleta. I hope he wins.”
Meanwhile, fans of the other finalist, David Cook, suggested that a vote for Archuleta would be a vote for terror. Tiffany Shuler, age 13, of White Plains, New York, issued a statement on behalf of herself, and her best friends forever, Amber Waletsky and Shawnia James. “David Archuleta is an appeaser and as we learned from the example of Neville Chamberlain surrendering the Sudetenland to Hitler in 1938, appeasement does not work. Plus, David Cook is like, so totally hot! He rocks!”
I suppose the only question remaining is… who do Hamas think should be Nancy?
Tags: Barack Obama, Geekery, Humour, Klingons, Lt Worf
If you rummage through the highbrow geekery of the US blogosphere as much as I do, you might find some chatter about how John McCain is secretly a Klingon. The implications of this are obvious: that both are aggressive, emotionally-stunted, warlike and born with an unhealthy fixation with their ‘honour’. In this blogger’s humble opinion, it’s a comparison that paints a misleading and unfair stereotype of the Klingon people.
Thankfully, Lt Worf – one of the all-time-greatest Klingons and a man who has seen similar adversity in his battle-scarred life – puts an end to such closed-minded bigotry by traveling back in time to endorse Barack Obama:
Surely, I am moved by the story of his humble origins, his absent Kenyan father, his mother working to make ends meet, and growing up without his father in an environment where his racial identity was unclear. After all, I, Lieutenant Worf, am a Klingon by birth, but raised by Caucasian humans, the Rozhenkos, on the farm world of Gault. So I know a little bit about absent fathers, and being a dark-skinned man, looked upon as an alien in a white world.
But there is more that I see in him. Just as the transcendental challenge of your time is Moslem extremism, so in my future it was the Borg. The Borg are as alien to us as bin Laden is to you. And if I, a Klingon by birth raised by Russian farmers, can command the Defiant in Admiral Hayes’ fleet against the Second Borg invasion and fight off the Borg’s would-be temporal sabotage, then I think Obama, with whom I have so much in common, can lead the fight against Islamofascism to a successful conclusion.
When you’ve lost the Klingon vote, you’re in danger of losing the entire Alpha Quadrant. The only way McCain beats this is if he wins the much sought-after Vulcan vote.
Update: Too late. Obama’s even got Spock’s endorsement. Perhaps McCain could try the Romulans?