Shortcuts to patriotism

March 2, 2008 at 9:10 pm | Posted in British Politics, Idiot Hall of Fame | 1 Comment
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As I was saying to those nice ladies at the Mothers’ Union, we live in a country committing a slow-motion suicide. Nary a day goes by, it seems, without some depraved plot to instruct 11-year-olds how to perform S&M, without the Government ditching a much-loved heraldic figure, presumably to be replaced by some encrypted jihadi death mark, or without one of our brave Royals being forced to fight in a war because our cannon fodder of a working class is too busy getting stoned, wearing Burberry and appearing on Jeremy Kyle to sign up for the heroic sacrifice that God brought them into poverty for.

So extensive is the decay and degeneracy, tribunes like the Daily Mail don’t have enough pages to chronicle each deep slash on the nation’s wrists, but thankfully Peter Hitchens is still sniffing out each under-reported injustice in the hope that one day enough of us will rise up, take to the streets and, oh who am I kidding, vote Conservative:

Last month, a group of 13-year-olds in a school in East Anglia were learning about the Spanish Armada, that pivotal moment in our island story. Then they were handed a worksheet. I have a copy of it, if you don’t believe me.

It was downloaded from a website called which is widely used by teachers so the same thing has quite possibly been going on in a school near you. “You are a Spanish sailor about to embark in the Spanish Armada,” said the worksheet. “Draw an anti-English poster to show all the reasons why you are invading the country.”
It also asked for a “spider diagram of at least four reasons why Spain was angry enough with England to want to invade”.


Now, I have actually checked to see how Spanish children are taught the same subject, and I have established beyond doubt that they are not asked to draw an anti-Spanish poster. Not so long ago, they were taught that Francis Drake, that hero of my youth, was a wicked pirate. Good for the Spanish.

Yes, you read that right: now the liberal maggots in our teaching profession are trying to wriggle into our kids’ ears and teach them to retroactively surrender to the Spanish! Tell me if this is such a far-fetched scenario: after being taught that the Spanish fleet was brutally slaughtered by a bloodlusting British who lured them to our shores with deceptively sweet lute-playing, Spanish schoolkids, drunk on fizzy drinks and nationalism, band together, board dinghies and paddle over to the English channel to take finish what their great great great grandfathers started. Our own kids, indoctrinated into unpatriotic behaviour, welcome them as liberators and let them take control of the sandpits. Our sandpits!

Now, I’m sure a liberal would argue that Hitchens’ comparison of the war against the Spanish to that against the Nazis is an insult to the brilliance of those who defeated the greatest threat to freedom Britain has ever known. I’m sure a liberal would claim that teaching a history in which kids don’t just look at events and battles but at the context, motivations and nuances surrounding them provides more valuable skills than simply being able to recite what happened in 1066 or 1588. And I’m sure a liberal would suggest that having an understanding of why a country wants to go to war with you is not the same as changing your language, wrapping yourself in their flag and cheering the day they turn us all into Amigos. They would, of course, be wrong:

Pupils are exposed to conflicting scraps of information, grandly called “sources”, and asked to make up their own minds – which means they are robbed of pride in their nation, and left confused and vulnerable to the BBC’s anti-British propaganda and the Leftist monopoly that runs the universities. No wonder patriotism is disappearing. Do you really know what your children learned in school last week?

No I don’t, Peter. At least, not until you’ve single-handedly saved the curriculum by telling children they can’t make up their own minds and should instead just memorise a list of every non-British bastard our armies have ever slaughtered along with an (optional) short explanation of why they definitely had it coming. It’s the kind of thing that makes the patriotic among us weak at the knees.

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  1. […] the bright side, Peter Hitchens will wake up happy this morning. Filed under: British Politics, Idiot Hall of Fame […]

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