How to lose an electionAugust 24, 2008 at 7:28 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
Tags: Barack Obama, Michael Moore, Politics
With Bush on his way out, Democrats controlling both houses of Congress and soon (touch wood) the White House, Michael Moore struggles to remain relevant by producing a six point guide for Democrats who just can’t quit their losing habits. Overbearing narcissist that he is, point no. 6 is all about… Michael Moore:
Obama, at some point, might be asked this question: “Michael Moore has endorsed you. But he recently said (fill in the blank with some outrageously offensive line taken out of context). Will you still accept his endorsement, or do you denounce him?”
And he better denounce me, or they will tear him to shreds. He had better back away not only from me but from anyone and everyone who veers a bit too far to the left of where his advisers have told him is the sweet spot for all those red-state voters. I won’t take it personally. After all, I’m not the guy who married him or baptized his kids. I’m just the idiot who went to the same terrorist, Muslim school of flag-pin desecrators he went to.
I remember poor John Kerry not even being able to admit, when asked by Larry King, if he had seen Fahrenheit 9/11. “No,” he said, “I haven’t. . . . I don’t plan to, right now.” But he had indeed seen it. I sat there watching him say this, and I just felt sorry for him and for the election he was about to lose.
We can’t take four more years of this madness, Barack. We need you to be a candidate who will fight back every time they attack you. Actually, don’t even wait till you have to fight back. Fight first! Show some vision and courage and smoke them out. Keep asking why these lobbyists are McCain’s best friends. Let’s finally have a Democrat who’s got the balls to fire first.
So Barack, by denouncing me, you can help McCain get elected. Because when you denounce me, it’s not really me you’re distancing yourself from — it’s the millions upon millions of people who feel the same way about things as I do. And many of them are the kind of crazy voters who have no problem voting for a Nader just to prove a point.
Actually, I don’t think Moore goes far enough. If Barack Obama denounces Michael Moore, he’ll not just lose the election – he’ll have single-handedly destroyed FDR’s legacy, ensured the Yankees never win another world series, killed John Lennon and ended all human progress for a generation.
What an egocentric prat.