Last of the famous international playboys

August 24, 2008 at 8:40 pm | Posted in Misc. | Leave a comment

Every nation is good at something, and if you’re no longer renowned for your industrial prowess, your technological advancements, your daunting military or your unmatched global influence, you can, at least, be known for breeding some of the most debauched drinkers the world has ever known.

Step forward Britannia, for in this sport we are true olympians. Even the New York Times has sought to pay tribute:

MALIA, Greece — Even in a sea of tourists, it is easy to spot the Britons here on the northeast coast of Crete, and not just from the telltale pallor of their sun-deprived northern skin.

They are the ones, the locals say, who are carousing, brawling and getting violently sick. They are the ones crowding into health clinics seeking morning-after pills and help for sexually transmitted diseases. They are the ones who seem to have one vacation plan: drinking themselves into oblivion.

Now, I can hardly pass myself off as a model of abstinence, but I do have one modest request of the globe-trotting shot-guzzlers on this fair isle: if all you want to do on your holiday is down bargain booze within staggering distance of a beach, why not try Bridlington or Cleethorpes? You save on the air fare, you cut down on the carbon and your gormless exploits are confined to your own country so you don’t become an embarrassment to the rest of us.

Let’s face it; by the time it gets to midnight, most of these kids will have forgotten what country they’re in anyway.

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