David Icke & the mourning after

July 11, 2008 at 1:28 pm | Posted in British Politics | 5 Comments
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In the aftermath of the Haltemprice & Howden by-election, David Icke‘s supporters are feeling pretty depressed by his loss:

only 110 votes?

Maybe they used Bush’s Magic Florida vote counting machine

Just shows how feckin’ stupid most people are…

Miss Great Britain got more votes for fucks sake,

Miss Great fucking Britain

Depressing, fucking depressing, but what can you expect in this miserable world

I hope there’s a moderator on this message board doing a suicide watch or something. Now, I don’t think Icke helped his case during the election. Instead of putting ‘no label’ on the ballot paper, why didn’t he go for something catchy like ‘Britons Against Reptillian Humanoids‘? Tolerant as we are, I reckon there’d be thousands of people in Hull who don’t fancy the idea of being enslaved by shape-shifting lizards.

But in the midst of this despair, there’s always an optimist or two, including this forum member who thinks Icke’s defeat should be the first small step to building a political movement:

Like it or loath it, we now have to find a way to beat the system, if we choose to play in it at all.

David Icke should be a catalyst, but we all have to be far more canny in how we now engage with the political process from this point, if at all.

Me? I’ve said it in other threads, to be met with consequent jibber-jabber that distracted from anyone looking at what I’d said.

So, I’ll say it again here, and hope things go better this time. We need a political movement inspired by America’s RON PAUL. That’s the guy for liberty, small government, essentially anti-Big Brother.

We have a possible answer. We can get in on the bottom rung because they only formed a few months ago (January, I think).

They are the UK Libertarian Party. Website at:


The UK Libertarian Party – the last line of defence against the lizards who enslave humanity. If these are the kind of people LPUK are going to attract as members in the coming years, we’re in for an entertaining time…

A minor victory

July 11, 2008 at 11:04 am | Posted in Big Brother Britain, British Politics, Conservative Party | Leave a comment
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I suppose that given the mitigating factors – the lousy weather, the generally poor turn-out in by-elections and the fact that anyone in their right mind should be sunning themselves in the Mediterranean right now – the 34% turnout and 75% of the vote is a pretty impressive victory for David Davis.

Did the absence off the major parties turn it into a circus filled with loonies, fringe parties and knuckle-dragging malcontents? Absolutely, though Davis was gracious enough to acknowledge that the crowded field speaks well of our election system. Did the beauty queens, greengrocers and Elvis impersonators dilute the impact of Davis crusade? Perhaps, as it bolstered the media narrative that his campaign was quixotic and vainglorious. But did these factors fatally undermine his campaign? Only if your expectations were too high. At the very least, this by-election gave us another three weeks when the issue of 42 days – and civil liberties in general – had some place in the news. This meant it was being discussed by more than just bloggers and Guardian columnists. For all David Davis may or may not have achieved in Haltemprice & Howden, his prolonging the debate can only be a good thing.

Big Beautician is watching you

July 2, 2008 at 10:08 am | Posted in British Politics | Leave a comment
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Gemma Garrett. Miss Great Britain. Parliamentary Candidate. Would-be tyrant.

Since you all come here for my expert take on all the most important issues in politics, I felt I owed you an assessment of Miss Great Britain’s platform in the Haltemprice and Howden by-election. As hard as it is to distinguish yourself from a field that includes a greengrocer, a mad cow, a lover of Elvis, an enemy of lizards and… David Davis, Gemma Garrett should be applauded for standing on some decent left-wing policies: greater pay and compensation for our armed forces, expanding childcare and raising the income tax of the richest in the country. So far, so good.

But what we can least afford in this by-election is to elect yet another hardcore Nanny-stater, and I fear that for all her good intentions, Miss Great Britain would be willing to goose-step to whichever anti-civil liberties measure this government proposes. What makes me think this? The squeamish should look away now:

  • Compulsory health and beauty education to improve the looks of Britons
  • A British Bank Holiday which encourages people to look fabulous for the day

Ah, where’s Henry Porter when you need him? Now, I know I don’t have a strong record on health and beauty, but I hope I’m not the only one who’s terrified by this. For one, how would she make this ‘education’ compulsory? Would she us this ‘British Bank Holiday’ to round us all up and send us to ‘fab camps’ where a team of Rosemary Conley clones forces us to perform star jumps at gun point? Would there be penalties for people who, after being ‘corrected’, start putting on weight again, or forget the proper use of hair gel? Should the government really make this compulsory for everyone, even those who are clearly lost causes?

I don’t suppose it’s any surprise that the press has failed give this proposal the intense scrutiny it requires – I’m sure they’d benefit from having a few more Ms Garrett lookalikes running about. But for those of us who cherish the right to remain ugly, it is a truly worrying development. We can only hope that David Davis, who would certainly be singled out by such a plan, can summon the same valour he’s showed on 42 days detention and fight the tyranny of Beauty Parlour Britain.

With thanks to David Icke…

June 27, 2008 at 7:42 am | Posted in British Politics, Misc. | 3 Comments
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…because in a period of national gloom and grumpiness, we really need this kind of light entertainment.

For those who aren’t aware of our new civil liberties spokesperson – or those who just fancy a good laugh reacquainting themselves with The Truth about our lizard-human rulers – allow Jon Ronson to relate his rise to infamy:

Wogan. The blue comedian Jim Davidson was top of the bill that night (this was primetime BBC1, in the autumn of 1991), but most of the viewers had tuned in to see Terry Wogan’s first guest. There had been rumours in the tabloids all week that something unexpected had happened to David Icke, the popular BBC sports personality, once a professional football player, now the host of Grandstand and a household name. The tabloids said that David Icke had started wearing only turquoise, that he was predicting cataclysmic flooding and earthquakes – and that he was claiming to be the Son of God.

I had watched a videotape of this broadcast before leaving London for Vancouver. It was startling to see how David Icke looked, how haggard and exhausted and terribly nervous – so unlike the genial BBC soccer and snooker correspondent whom the British public had come to feel so comfortable with – and dressed from head to toe in a turquoise shellsuit (turquoise being a conduit of positive energy) as he stepped out on to the stage.

“Why you?” asked Wogan with an incredulity that reflected the mood of the land. “Why have you been chosen?”

“People would have said the same thing to Jesus,” David Icke replied. “Who the heck are you? You’re a carpenter’s son.”

“When might we expect tidal waves, eruptions and earthquakes?” asked Wogan.

“They will certainly happen this year,” said David.

This conversation took place amid howls of laughter from the studio audience.

“Why should we believe you?” said Wogan.

“I’m saying that these things are going to happen this year,” said David, “so we’ll see, won’t we?”

“And what will happen to you if they don’t happen?” asked Wogan.

“They will happen,” said David.

He said this with such ferocity, such conviction, that the audience stopped laughing for a moment. However wise and modern we are, this kind of thing can still shake us up. You could feel it sweep across the television studio, sweep across the land, a stirring of some primordial paranoia. Could David Icke actually be a soothsayer? At that moment, I think the nation looked to Terry Wogan for guidance. How would he respond? Which way would this go?

“The best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous, Terry,” said David. “So I’m glad that there’s been so much laughter in the audience tonight.” There was a small silence.

“But they’re laughing at you,” said Wogan. “They’re not laughing with you.”

More here. His book on similar avante-garde philosophers crackpots is also worth a read.

MacKenzie wusses out

June 16, 2008 at 6:51 pm | Posted in Idiot Hall of Fame | 5 Comments
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Guess we won’t have Kelvin MacKenzie to kick around for the next few weeks:

The Sun columnist Kelvin MacKenzie is now not expected to stand against David Davis in next month’s byelection over the issue of 42-day terror suspect detention, with News International executives understood to be wary of such a move.


In today’s Sun, the assistant editor, Trevor Kavanagh, moderated the paper’s criticism of Davis, the Conservative MP who has resigned in protest at the government’s proposed introduction of 42-day detention for terror suspects.

“David Davis is an ego-driven maverick,” said Kavanagh, the Sun’s former political editor, wrote on the paper’s op-ed pages. “But he has struck a nerve with voters of all parties who are fed up with acting as bit-part players in a real-life Big Brother.”

News International executives are understood to be wary of fielding a candidate against the Conservative party, which could interfere with the Sun’s policy to always back the winner of election campaigns.

Wow, Murdoch really does hate to back a loser, doesn’t he? So much for crusading on behalf of a noble cause…

Supporting David Davis

June 16, 2008 at 1:00 pm | Posted in Big Brother Britain, British Politics, Conservative Party, Terrorism | Leave a comment
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I really hadn’t intended to write anything more on David Davis’ resignation. For a start, the whole job-hunting thing is still an unresolved faff and I’m spending more time wondering whether to abandon Sheffield for the land of rats and rogueish Mayors than I am wondering what Sir Lancelot’s up to. There’s also the fact that BritBlogLand is already engulfed with opinions and I doubt there’s much insight or profundity I can add to the wealth of well-argued posts that are far more worthy of your time. The other reason is that in the past 72 hours I’ve found myself swinging between two extremes and I don’t suppose anyone wants to survey the carnage that occurs when I have an argument with myself. But since someone’s had the impudence to challenge me to put forward a semi-coherent position, I suppose it’d be a good idea if I actually had one. So without further ado, here’s another tract of interminable twittering about the Courageous One and why we should/shouldn’t vote for him. 

A question: if you were a Labour voter/party member in Haltemprice & Howden rather than Barnsley West and Penistone, would you vote for Davis? Would you campaign for him, even? Would your answers to these depend on whether MacKenzie stands, or whether Labour fields a candidate? This Labour party member would vote for him if he could, and I’m waiting for the Internets to provide a means to donate to the otherwise unsympathetic Tory’s self-destructive crusade.

I suppose one reason Davis’ decision is so significant is that it gives a great jolt to people like me who’ve managed to trudge through 24 years of life with the stubborn vow that I would never, ever vote for a Tory. Whilst the by-election renders this vow as pretty self-defeating (Kelvin MacKenzie’s intervention reminds us there are far more noxious options than voting for a Conservative), it refuses to go away because an election that’s ostensibly about a single issue will result in electing someone who will then vote on every other issue. Since Davis is militantly right-wing, I’d be in the position of helping elect someone who will vote against my beliefs 99% of the time. This is where the gag reflex comes in, and makes me have a great deal of sympathy for Unity’s suggestion that voters back a fringe candidate or spoil their ballots.

And yet I’m conscious of how significant a large, cross-party vote for Davis on the issue of 42 days could be, and how it might have the effect of stunning some of those Labour MPs who voted for sensible terror-averting tactics internment to think twice before they reach for the battering ram of the Parliament Act. Since stopping this heinous bill from becoming law should be the primary aim, we should welcome any opportunity to demonstrate our opposition. If that means helping Davis win a landslide majority in a symbolic stunt of a by-election, then we may just have to swallow it – acts of symbolism don’t get much more potent than those delivered at the ballot box.

I don’t like him, I don’t trust him, I disagree with him on almost every issue ever to have faced mankind and most of the time I just wish he would bugger off. But when it comes to 42 days detention, David Davis is indisputably right. On this issue alone and for one night only, I would break the habit of a lifetime and vote Conservative, and I urge all those who actually live in Haltemprice and Howden, whether Tory, Labour or Lib Dem, to do the same.

Update: If that’s not enough to convince you, fans of schadenfreude would surely have some fun watching Murdoch’s sneering little sock-puppet – a liar, a devout enemy of working people and an All-Round Bad Guy – being dealt an embarrassing punch in the jaw by the people of Haltemprice and Howden.

Questions for Kelvin

June 13, 2008 at 12:46 pm | Posted in British Politics | 2 Comments
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Given that his infamy is based largely on the lies his newspaper spread about the worst stadium disaster in British history – slandering innocent victims as violent aggressors in pursuit of profit and a petty grudge against the people of Liverpool – it’s grimly fitting that Kelvin MacKenzie is considering running against David Davis in support of 42 days detention. Of this man’s squalid crimes against truth there is little more we can add, but if he does run it would be interesting to see if the press decides to scrutinise his past and ask whether a man responsible for one of the worst smears in modern journalism – a smear he still refuses to disavow, by the way – is of the right character and suitability for a job in Parliament. Whilst they’re at it, they might ask whether now would be a good moment to apologise to the families of the 96 for casting them, and everyone else who was in the ground that day, as a vicious, violent mob.

If nothing else, it’s only fair that the people of Haltemprice & Howden are made aware of the choice now before them. One is an illiberal Tory with stoneage values who just happens to be on the right side of a civil liberties issue for a change; the other is a contemptible, mendacious, fame-hungry sociopath.

A hold-your-nose election if ever there was one.

Update: I can’t work weblogs to save my life. No idea what happened, but I posted this a few minutes ago and the formatting turned it into a horrible, deformed mess – hence the deleting & re-posting.

David Davis & fixed terms

June 12, 2008 at 9:57 pm | Posted in British Politics | Leave a comment
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Okay, it’s late and perhaps I’m just too tired for my brain to function properly, but this is something I’m really struggling to get my head around:

How do bloggers who support the introduction of fixed-term Parliaments square that with their support for Davis’ decision to trigger a by-election in protest at a single issue that’s already been passed through the Commons?

If you believe the date we hold elections shouldn’t be determined by political circumstances (which I agree with, by the way), it seems inconsistent to support someone’s desire to call an election when it is motivated entirely by political circumstances.

Answers on a postcard, etc etc.

David Davis ‘to resign as an MP’

June 12, 2008 at 11:51 am | Posted in British Politics | Leave a comment
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Well, this is certainly a shock:

Shadow home secretary David Davis is set to resign as an MP, the BBC understands. It is thought he wants to trigger a by-election in his Haltemprice and Howden seat. Mr Davis has been a passionate opponent of plans to extend the terror detention limit to 42 days. It is thought he has privately threatened to resign if the Tories wavered on the issue. He will make a statement shortly.


Update: Apparently he’s going to contest the by-election and make 42 day detention the centrepiece of the campaign:

Conservative sources have told BBC Political Editor Nick Robinson Mr Davis told Mr Cameron of his decision on Wednesday evening. His by-election campaign would be “personal and not backed by the full resources of the Conservative Party”, the source added. Sources say Mr Davis wants to fight a by-election on the 42-day issue.

Update #2 (13:55): The BBC story is now updated with video

In his resignation statement, Mr Davis attacked the growth of the “database state” and government “snooping”.

“This cannot go on. It must be stopped and for that reason today I feel it is incumbent on me to make a stand,” he told reporters.

“At least my electorate and the nation as a whole will have had the opportunity to debate and consider one of the most fundamental issues of our day – the ever intrusive power of the state into our lives, the loss of privacy, the loss of freedom and the steady attrition undermining the rule of law,” he said.

The key questions should be as follows:

  1. Will it be seen as a political stunt or as a courageous stand?
  2. Will he be able to justify the expense of public money that’ll be needed to stage this premature by-election?
  3. Should by-elections be launched on the whim of one politician, campaigning on a single issue? For example, if this were a referendum I’d certainly vote for his position over that of the Labour government. But it’s not a referendum, and on so many other issues, I’d rather have a Labour/Lib Dem MP than David Davis.
  4. Will he win?

The answer to the last question is ‘probably’: Davis had a 5,116 majority over his Lib Dem challenger in 2005. Since Nick Clegg has already committed not to stand a candidate against him and Labour turnout will be depressed, this will be a walkover, whether the public are in favour of 42 days or not.

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